Originally posted 04-14-2009. Reposted 07-22-2011.
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Look at this verse a little differently today. Ask God, “How are You using ‘that person’ to sharpen me, Lord?” You’ll find it much more rewarding to stop whining about “that person” and begin focusing on letting God develop your character through “that person”. Who knows, you might even start thanking God for “that person”This is a re-post from April 14, 2009 my old
blog.
Almost every small group has “that person”. You know, the one who talks too much, interrupts other people, never brings snacks, eats all the snacks, causes drama, has all the answers to your problems but none for theirs, and generally raises everyone else’s blood pressure. “That person” makes others in the group think, “our small group was awesome until ‘that person’ started coming!” By the way, if you can’t think of someone in your group who fits this description it might be that you are the person who fits the description. 😉
Seriously though, what do you do with this person? Your conversations with them about their “issues” seem to fall on deaf ears. You want to haul off and smack “that person” upside the head, but you’re pretty sure that he/she would call the cops and have you arrested for assault. Plus there’s the whole WWJD thing…I don’t think Jesus would smack “that person”.
So in our frustration the answer seems to be this: lovingly, gently, but firmly uninvite “that person”. If that’s the answer, then you’re wondering “How do I kick ‘that person’ out of my group?” As a general rule I say, “Don’t”.
God seldom brings others into our lives to we can “fix” them. Rather, He usually wants to use them to “fix” us.
The Bible says, “Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17 (NASB)
Look at this verse a little differently today. Ask God, “How are You using ‘that person’ to sharpen me, Lord?” You’ll find it much more rewarding to stop whining about “that person” and begin focusing on letting God develop your character through “that person”. Who knows, you might even start thanking God for “that person”.
Great site Alan! Great topic too. Sharpening takes time, especially when you’re essentially starting from scratch. It’s easy to reverse your thinking as you correctly encourage us here Alan but there must be effort and genuine caring, which will cause you to spend time with “that person”, allowing God that opportunity to sharpen the both of you. A man in our group a month ago went on for 15 minutes, chasing so many rabbits you thought his name was Elmer… I spent an hour with him after the meeting and to be honest, I didn’t want to – he drove me crazy. But I knew I was supposed to. And we argued some, it wasn’t pretty at first, but by the end, we had cried some together and were laughing in a big embrace! I’ve been asked what I said to him but it’s not about what I said…
Ok nice job but that doesn’t answer my question. So I guess I will have to answer it own my own. I want to kick someone out group cause she is kinda sloppy and she goofs around too much so my answer is write a letter. In the letter write Sorry even if you are not sorry. State why you want to kick the person out or what they are doing wrong. Then write what and or why it is happening that part is optional. Then write who it was decided by. Then if you don’t want to feel weird about giving the person the letter / note get more people in the group to sign it. Deliver it then they might try and find out your weak spot don’t fall for it they just want back in. There u go if no one signs it but you then give to them when they are about to go home. 🙂 Hopefully problem solved.
I have to admit, I’m disheartened by the self-serving nature of your answer; it’s all about you.
1. It’s about satisfying your need to eliminate something annoying. Kicking someone out for being sloppy and goofing around is tragic. I believe God wants to do something in YOUR heart to make you more tolerant of other people’s quirks. Kicking this person out does not make her or you a better person. I beg you, ask God to reveal what He’s trying to teach you through this person and then show her MORE love and MORE grace.
2. It’s about making YOU feel more comfortable. Rather than at least giving this person the dignity of a face-to-face conversation, you are sending a letter. This makes you more comfortable, but devastates the person receiving it.
3. It’s about you FEELING like you’re in the right. By getting others to sign the letter, you are making yourself feel justified. Popular opinion does not justify cruelty…ever.
My responses to comments are usually not this blunt, but I’m truly upset by the “solution” you posted.
I would disagree with what is written here to a degree. I agree with you if the person is annoying, talks a lot, eats all the food, etc- these are not reasons to kick someone out of a group. If a person is sharing personal information from a group I think that is grounds to ask someone to leave the group. Keep in mind, we are not asking them to be ex-communicated or having nothing to do with the body. Small groups are an avenue for growth, not the only avenue therefore I think if they are hurting the group because of attendance, not protecting privacy or if they are not doing the homework regularly and the leader has talked to them multiple times about these issues and there is not a change, one would conclude in many cases the person does not want to be there and hurt the group. Being loving is doing what is best, not necessarily what is popular. Each instance is case by case however I do think there are grounds to suggest that your group may not be for them.
Well, may the Lord bless our group with the broken people no one else wants… and teach us what it means to truly love.